deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 2.5 KB
more ▶

More from ~101th-vampiireGiirl

Featured in Groups:

Details

December 21, 2008
2.5 KB
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 18
Favourites: 13 [who?]

Views: 311 (0 today)
Downloads: 2 (0 today)
[x]


Vampire Gang*
*[Prologue]*

My name is Elizabeth, just Elizabeth. You wonder ¿why? It's because of what happened that I'm no longer Elizabeth Allen, a 17 year old girl in their third year of high school anymore. So now, I'm nothing but a ghost wondering around the streets. I'm nobody. For those that met me before it all happened I'm dead. And in some way I am, just not in the way they think I am.

It all started with Lilith Academy. A very prestigious academy with the best curriculum, right smack in the middle of nowhere, Northern United States. It has nothing out of the ordinary for a prestigious academy. It has classrooms, books, shelves, teachers with thousands of college degrees and at least 20 years of experience teaching under their bealts, and of course it was found 300 years ago. The academy even has it's own urban leyend, which has nothing to do with some kid that died in the basement or ghosts with unfinished business wandering the hallways at night.

When my parents told me I was being transferred, I searched a little about it on the internet, and found this strange webpage. "An academy with monsters, creatures of the night, roaming around the school. It's their territory and if you dare to cross paths with them or defy their leadership in their domains, you shall end up dead" it said. So, thinking it was some kind of lame joke, I let it go. But that's not the case, the thing is that I was wrong and things were a little more serious than that.

I'm not saying that I regret going there, because it's not true. The things I lived there were the scariest moments of my life, but now, they belong with me. They are part of who I am. Because after it's all over, I find myself enjoying my current situation, sitting in a cozy couch next to the window, looking at my gorgeous beautiful angel sleeping in his bed, with nothing to worry about anymore. I can protect him now, just like he protected me in those moments. Those dark memories that are carved in my memory like if it was stone. It's a perk now, I guess, that comes with inmortality.

So, here's my story, part of Dorian's story too. It happened a long time ago, and if it wasn't for my fangs, you wouldn't believe I was there to live through it. But it's true,  and my name, it's still Elizabeth.
:icon101th-vampiiregiirl:
Ok. As promised, I'm rewriting the story. Here's the prologue, because now it HAS a prologue. Cool huh? I think the story is coming up completely cool. So, be ready for some MAJOR changes. I'm putting the rest of the story in hold, so you guys won't get confused with the old and the new chapters. ok??
So, let me know what you guys think, because right now, more than ever, I need your feedback!
*hugs to everyone*
And this chapter, as the very first one of the rewriting process, goes to very important people in my life.

1. Yecris.... my soul mate (aka. bff) because DAMN IT. If she hadn't been for her I wouldn't have pictured the twists in the new story and let's face it. She's keeping my sane for now.
2. My friend, that was the first one to hear about this story, AND, took her SO LONG to actually finish reading it. Melissa. *hugs*
3. ALL of my DA watchers. Seriously you guys, without you this story would be in a notebook under my bed and the world would have never met it. I love you guys!!!


Oh and Special thanks to the people that pointed out the mistakes I had, I didn't noticed them and it's good to know there's people out there that are nice enough to let you know. Thank you!! *hugs* It's making me a better writer and I really appreaciate it.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconchachamaru-san:
Good job on this so far! Except for some grammar issues, I didn't see much wrong with it^^

Grammar: In the first paragraph, there should probably be a period after 'streets' and have 'I'm nobody' be a separate sentence.

Also in the first paragraph, I think there should be a period after 'I'm dead'. Then the next sentence could read something like 'I'm not dead in the way you might think,however'((<<that's just an example. you can word it however you like, of course :meow: ))

In the second paragraph, 'academy' should not be capitilized. You put 'a very presigious Academy'-->shouldn't be capitilized since in that sentence it isn't referring to a specific academy.

Again, good job and keep it up! :)
Reply
:icon101th-vampiiregiirl:
~101th-vampiireGiirl Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thank you thank you thank you!! I'll go change those mistakes, I didn't see them. Sorry, english it's not my mother language so I forget some of the common mistakes everyone makes. I'll try and be more careful about it, thanks a lot for your help. It's really nice of you. *hug*
Reply
:iconchachamaru-san:
you're welcome! *hugs back*
Reply
:icontigerczarina:
~TigerCzarina Jan 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is a good idea! I think you can do a lot with it!

You need to look at the grammar, though. There are misspellings that you would probably see if you read through the story again. Also, there are some run on sentences that could be re-phrased or written to be multiple sentences.

Other than that, great job, keep up the good work!
Reply
:icon101th-vampiiregiirl:
~101th-vampiireGiirl Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your help! *Chachamaru-san pointed out the mistakes, but I'll read the story again and see if I have any other mistakes. Thank you for pointing it out, I'm not exactly 100% good on English since it's not my mother language, and I've been trying to work on it. Again, thank you for your help. *hug*
Thank you for being nice and I'll be sure to keep it up. >w<
Reply
:icontigerczarina:
~TigerCzarina Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
*hug* Even if it's not your native language you have a really good grasp of it though!
Reply
:icon101th-vampiiregiirl:
~101th-vampiireGiirl Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
thanks! been working my butt of for quite a while, I wanna study abroad like USA, Canada or maybe even the UK. And my Dad is american, so it kinda runs in the blood to learn it, although since I don't exactly have much people to talk with, I do most of it alone. I just need to get the hang of it, so I don't make anymore easy mistakes. thanks again anyway.
Reply
:icontigerczarina:
~TigerCzarina Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I understand that. My boyfriend is from Argentina so I'm used to finding grammar errors for him!XD Keep up the good work! :)
Reply
:icon101th-vampiiregiirl:
~101th-vampiireGiirl Jan 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
really? Awesome. they're pretty cool. I used to have a friend from Argentina, but he moved out of the country again and never heard of him afterwards. anyway, thank you for your help and I'll be sure to keep it up!
Reply
:iconmokasoon:
~MokaSooN Jan 1, 2010  Student Digital Artist
YOu know I always take too long for some things like reading... actually if you book get publish... i ll finish reading them quicklier beacause ill take the book anywhere ^^
Reply
Add a Comment: